Vegging at home

I've had some ups and some fussy worries but life is amazing on the whole. There is really nothing to compare to seeing our daughter Katrina have her baby. She was so brave and good. I can't thank her enough for trusting me to be there.The Midwife really knew her stuff. I'm especially glad that she knew exactly how to get that 9lbs baby with the barrel chest to come out on his own.

After 6 & 1/2 weeks on the Lantz's cozy sofa, it was with mixed emotions that I cuddled up to my sweet Layne in our own soft bed. As much as I missed my best friend, it took me awhile to stop thinking I should see Sammy around here somewhere. I guess as I get older the brain takes longer to adjust to new things.

Speaking of which, it was sad to see that the gradual decay in Mom's condition was noticeable after so short a time as 6 weeks. Somehow she seems better now though I'm not sure if that isn't just me getting used to her again. She's really so patient and easy to care for. You can see how much she struggles to find meaning in her days. I wish I could give her that. I just don't know how. I've started to practice the piano a little everyday. She seems to really enjoy watching me and trying to give me pointers. Maybe this is the time in my life I'm supposed to finally learn to play.

I came home to some tentative job offers. I took them all. I'm officially signed up as an employee with Tasteful Trends Interiors. That is straight commission and I only go in if I have a project. They were willing to do a mass mailing for me to reach as many of my old clients as seemed possible. It's a shot in the dark in this economic climate but it was worth a try. I also agreed to do some projects for Gable House Interiors. The first one was his own showroom. We'll see if he thinks I'm worth keeping around for others. And the last offer was from Ethan Allen. They invited me to become an independent contractor with them. I decided to take them up on that so I got my business license - or am in the process still actually, and applied to corporate for that opportunity.

Now I'm sitting around at home and wondering what the future will bring. It's nice to get some things done around the house. Layne and I have almost got those 2 rooms ready for company. It's easy to fall into lazy habits and I feel like all I do is do things for me and I don't like it. It doesn't feel right. I'm not making money and I'm not serving anyone but me. Even working on the house seems selfish because it's mine. I'm watching too many shows on hulu and playing free cell too much.

But I do get a little done every day, usually with Layne's help because I'm not as tough as I used to be. I guess sometimes it's just not necessary to push as hard as other times. Maybe that's the answer. I don't have to be "doing" all the time to be ok. I love my life right now. I enjoy having Layne and Mom near. I love our house. It really is beautiful. The dusty yellow makes me think of sunbeams. I guess I'm just doing things I enjoy doing and I don't have to feel guilty about that. There's plenty of time, and nobody needs anything from me but my prayer. Right? Of course right.

I am praying for all of you as hard as I ever have and as hard as I always will. I'm so proud you, so amazed by you, so impressed. And I will always love you.

California!

The last time I got to come to California was to take Mom to see her brother Rodney last August. Katrina and Bill came up to visit that trip. I can't believe I haven't seen Sammy for a whole year! No wonder he's so tall!
I'm having so much fun getting to know Sam again. So far, we've been to the park twice. The second time he ran and ran and played in the fountain and made lots of new friends. On the way home we practiced skipping and hopping and sideways walking. Sammy's bright and energetic and very cuddly.
Katrina and Bill have a good ward with lots of good friends. There are men who like to get together for basketball and etc, and women that are in Katrina's time of life with little ones for Sam.
I'm missing my Sweetie, but every night he calls me and reads scriptures to me. Thank you my love.

Wearing "P"

Tonight is Young Women's night and we are instructed to wear as many things that start with P as Possible. Shayna and Daddy helped me make uP quite an imPressive list of things.

I started with Powder and Perfume and liP Plumper. Then I Put on Pants, Pink ones, and a Paisely Purple and Pink shirt. I Pinned on a Pink rhinestone Pin. I Put a Pen and Pencil in my back Pocket. I Put my hair in a Ponytail with two Pincurls and Pompadoured my bangs. It's kinda Pretty, though the Ponytail is Plain. I Put on a Pearl Pendent. I Placed Plastic Pink earrings on my lobes and, Polished my toes. I Put my Phone in my Pocket and a Pink Paper Post-it. Finally, I Put Platform shoes on and I think I'm ready for my P night with the Young PWomen. I'll let you know if I win anything. :-P

The Past, Present, and the Future

Next Saturday Anthony Larson will be visiting Saint George. He's the author of The Prophecy Trilogy. This is a set of books that your Dad and I read almost thirty years ago together and had quite the paradigm shift in regards to our understanding of last-days revelations and prophecies.

We read everything we could after this first introduction, including Immanual Velicovsky's works. Man I struggled through those! I had to read things over and over to make sense of it. I can tell you I was a far better reader after that experience. Velicovsky was not writing to the masses!

Daddy and I never really taught what we learned from our studies. We felt it was more important for each of you to be prepared spiritually for what is to come first. We don't know if these books are right on in every detail. If they are not, that's ok. That won't shake our faith in God. But we believe that the coming destructions as catalogued in the Book of Revelations are literal and easy to understand in that way. We believe that God will orchestrate the heavens to perform his works by sending comets, et al, just as Joseph Smith Jr. said that he would.

I want to recommend that you find yourself a copy of Larsons trilogy and read it, each of you as couples. Discuss it and pray about it. I think it might be important. I tried not to teach you anything I didn't know as gospel. You know I was very obsessive about that. I didn't even preach Santa Claus, as pretty as that one is for children. So I hope you put the weight of this behind it that it means to me. I think you should know what your Dad and I think is coming. I think you should decide for yourselves what you believe.

Ceremonies and Rituals

This week Layne and I were able to attend two funerals. One was for a dear friend, the other for someone we didn't know but we were asked to sing two songs for the graveside memorial service.
I was just thinking about the purpose of ceremonies and rituals in our lives. I'm just thinking out loud here but why are they so important that we go miles out of our way to attend them?
We have to put aside our usual daily grind to come together for an acknowledgement of more important concepts than work/play etiquette. Oh you know what I'm talking about; 'life is precious', 'family is everything', that kind of stuff.
The same concepts are always voiced, maybe there's even memorized phrases. There's music and visual imagery to encourage contemplation and unity. I wonder if people could really remember what's important if we didn't have these time-outs from all our personal, self-absorbed fuss.
I guess there's prayer and scripture-study to bring us out of ourselves everyday. But are these too, in the private ceremony/ritual category?
I've heard the elite/intelligentsia types speak contemptuously of rituals in general. 'I guess this stuff is just for us stupid people who need crutches to help them get through'. But then why is Yoga and meditation so popular? Are these also rituals?
Doesn't that make the point that human beings are engineered to need certain things if the vast majority seems to need them?
I believe these 'ritualized quiet coming togethers' give us opportunities to reach out to each other with love and understanding. I believe they are an acknowledgement that we need each other, and that every life matters. I believe this need for ritual is a gift to those who are willing to accept it.

I missed things

Today is Saturday. I'm sitting at the receptionist's desk today and on her computer because she went home sick. The weather is lushious outside. I can see the trees blowing in the wind, and I'm missing it.
This week my first little grandbaby, Alissa, graduated from kindergarten. Her brother, Kenz and her Mom, Staci both had their birthdays, and I missed them all. On each special day I thought about them and called them. That's the best I can do right now I guess.
I got to take Mom Joyce to Relief Society and play Cranium with a bunch of fun people. Mom really did have fun too. She amazed me.
Last night Layne and I took her to the Ward party - a service scavanger hunt. Each group had to do a list of kind acts and we had to ask our neighbors to let us do their windows or pull their weeds.
It was a lot of walking for Mom, even with the car, but she had a blast. She seems to love the activity lately. Maybe it's the wonderful weather that's encouraging her happy, active attitude.
I know it's encouraging me to play sick too. If only I dared.